Mascot Mania Lyrics

(Jello Biafra/Mojo Nixon)

When I was young
Saw football games
At the great big stadium
Could tell the fans
>From out of town
By the clown suits they had on

20,000 red cowboy hats
Means Cornhuskers to you
Mickey Mouse beans
With tiger ears
Shows you cheer ol' Mizzou
Let's not forget the Razorbacks
>From the U. of Arkansas
With plastic pig snouts 
On their heads
Soon eeeing, "How 'bout them Hawgs?"

CHORUS
That's 
Mascot Mania
Mascot Mania
Uh-huh
Uh-huh
Mascot Mania
Mascot Mania
Uh-huh
Uh-huh

I work all week 
At a job I hate
Where everything goes wrong
Weekend's what I live for
To your church I belong

I cross the street in San Francisco
When a chump comes out of a bar
Yellin', "Forty-Fuckin' Niiners, man"
With his gold and red jacket on

In Cleveland throwing dog biscuits
Shows how much ya love them Browns
While Bronco fans just hang their heads
When the Super Bowl comes around

Raider jacket dollars
Got the White Sox wearin' black
Statues of Joe Paterno
Sold in gift shops at Penn State

That's Mascot Mania

Don't make fun of religious rituals
In any place
Lord help you if you laugh
While they do this with a straight face

Outside of the United States
It gets even more bizarre
In Tokyo they got a baseball team
They call the Carp

The Salmonnbellies are the pride
of New Westminster, B.C.
C'mon, Greg Wrckman, what's a Hoosier?
And why do they throw chairs?

When Sudbury, Ontario's
Hockey team scores a goal
They drag a stuffed wolf
Cross the ice
A fan shot at it once, ya know

That's Mascot Mania

Blue Streak
Horned Frogs
Long Horns
Trojans

Someone better tell Tipper Gore
'Bout the names of these here teams

Tar Heels
Garnecocks
Blue Devils
Crimson Tide

Real Indians
Sick of Redskins
And Tomahawk chops

It seems to me
That to stay mean
These names should change with time

The NEw York Muggers
Detroit Murders
And Chicago Mob

Boston Bigots
Texas Swindlers
And the L.A. Cops

Miami Drugs
New Jersey Dumps
Take on the Denver Smog

Seattle Fads
New Orleans Hoods
Milwaukee Cannibals

San Diego Jarheads
ANd the Arizona Drought

That's Mascot Mania
Uh-huh
Uh-huh

Go Carp, go!
Salmonbellies rule!
Hit 'em harder cops!
But a hockey team called the Mighty Ducks?
Aw, man.

Heads explode when Dallas Oswalds
Meet Washington Bribes
Home team bands play "Cop Killer"
When L.A. comes to town


Pittsburgh Polluters
Houston Drive-Bys
Don't stir near the fear

When the Florida Abortion Bombers
Meets the San Francisco Queers

That's Mascot Mania
Uh-huh
Uh-huh

Anywhere ya go
The game's the same old thing
Bet your money on the Bribes
They always win
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