God's Own Drunk
By: Lord Buckley
1974

"Well, like I explained to y'all before I ain't no drinkin' man.
 I tried it once, and it got me highly irregular
  and I swore I'd never do it again.
 But I promised my brother-in-law that I'd go up and watch
  his still while he went into town to vote.
   
 It was right up on the mountain where the map said it would be.
 Friends let me tell you one thing though, 
  it wadn't no ordinary still.
 It stood up that mountainside like...
  like a huge golden opal, 

 God's yellar moon was a' shinin' on the cool clear evenin',
 God's little lanterns just a' twinklin' on and off in the heavens
 and, like I explained to you once before, I ain't no drinkin' man,
 But, temptation got the best of me,  and I took a slash... 
  (wshew!... woah...)  
 That yellar whiskey runnin' down my throat like 
  honeydew vine water, and I took another slash.
 Took another and another and another,
  'fore you knew it I'd downed one whole jug o' that *** 
  and commenced to get hot flashes.   

 Goosepimples was runnin' up and down my body and a feelin' came  
  over me like, somethin' I'd never experienced before, 
 It's like, like I was in love, 

 ("why don't we have a little love Mike [Utley]")

 In love for the first time, with anything that moved.
  Animate, in-animate it didn't matter.
 It's like there's a great neon sign flashin' on and off in my 
  brain sayin, "Jimmy Buffett there's a great day a comin'..."
 'Cause I was drunk.

 Now I wadn't, uh, knee-crawlin', slip-slidin', reggy-youngin',
  commode-huggin' drunk, I was God's own drunk, and a fearless man;
 And that's when I first saw the bear.

 He was a Kodiak lookin' fella 'bout 19 feet tall
  he rambled up over the hill 'spectin' me to do one of two
  things:  flip or fly, I didn't do either one.  It hung him up.
 He starts sniffin' 'round my body tryin' to smell fear,
  but he ain't gonna smell no fear, 'cause I'm God's own drunk 
  and a fearless man.  It hung him up.
 He looked me right in my eyes and my eyes was a 
  lot redder than his was. It hung him up.

 So I approached him and I said, "Mr. Bear, I love every hair on
  your 27 acre body.  I know you got a lotta friends over there on
  the other side of the hill.  There's ole' Rear Bear, Tall Bear, 
  Freddy Bear, Kelly Jair, Relly Bear, Smelly the Bear, Smokey
  the Bear, Pokey the Bear; I want you to go back over there
  tonight and tell 'em I'm feelin' right.  You tell 'em I love each
  and every one of 'em like a brother and a sister; but if they
  give me any trouble tonight, I'm gonna run every God***ed one of
  'em off the hill."

 He took two steps backwards and didn't know what to think.
  Neither did I, but, being charitable and cautious, 
  well hell, I approached him again.
 I said, "Mr. Bear, you know in the eyes of the Lord, we're both
  beasts when it comes right down to it.  So I want you to be my
  buddy, 'Buddy Bear.'"       
 So I took ole' Buddy Bear by his island sized paw 
  and I led him over to the still.
 Now he's a' sniffin' around that thing 'cause he's smellin'
  somethin' good.
 I gave him one of them jugs of honeydew vine water, he downed it
  upright, (looked like a big *** bear in the circus sippin'
  sasparilly in the moonlight.)
 I gave him another and another and another
  'fore I knew it, he'd downed eight of 'em and commenced
  to do the "bear dance."  Two sniffs, a snort, a fly, a turn 
  and a grunt; and it was so simple like the jitterbug it plumb 
  evaded me.

 And we worked ourselves into a tumultuous uproar
  and I's awful tired, went over to the hillside, and I laid down,
  went to sleep, slept for 4 hours, and dreamt me some tremulous dreams 
 And when I woke up, Oh, there was God's yellar moon a' shinin'
  on the clear cool evenin'.
 And God's little lanterns just a' twinklin' on and off in the heavens, 
 And my buddy the bear was a' missin'...     

 Yeah, you want to know somethin' else friends and neighbors, 
 
 so was that still.   

-- Spoken:
 "that's a take..."
 
Enjoy!